Faith is a funny thing. We believe that something or someone will come through for us. Sometimes it's because we know from past experience of a person's reliability. We have faith our car will take us to work in the morning because it has every day since we bought it. But sometimes there are no reason faith is based upon something far less tenuous; sometimes it's based on a belief, nothing more than the merest whisper of the belief that someone, somewhere is out there and is listening to our hopes, and dreams.
I have faith in people. Whether that faith is that they will perform good deeds or bad ones is irrelevant, there is faith in human agency. I have faith that when I wake up in the morning I'll be next to my Gunton. If have faith that if I call my mommy she'll be right there, telling me what I need to do and giving me a helping hand.
I also have faith in God. This faith is a funny thing because God doesn't respond to our faith in the way we think He should. We pray to him for a job. We apply for jobs, we interview for jobs and we get rejected for those jobs. What? Lord, what in the world?! What part of we need a job do You not seem to understand? Faith is all well and good but it doesn't pay the rent, or buy food, or pay for the car insurance, or put gas into the car. It doesn't pay for the cat food either. And let's face it, we'd rather starve ourselves than the cats.
So how about it? How can I sit here and still claim I have faith in the Lord? How is it that I believe that this invisible, Being whom I have never seen, is there? How can I honestly believe that He'll come through for us? Especially since I prayed so hard for us to get these jobs we applied for, that we interviewed for, jobs that we did not get.
And I admit, it's hard sometimes. It's very hard when you've just walked away from an interview thinking that the positive responses you've gotten are a good indication you've gotten the job. It's hard when you either don't get the call saying congratulations, or you get the e-mail saying sorry but we've decided not to hire you at this time, you are free to try again in 6 month's time. It's hard because you don't see how it is that your prayers are being answered. And when you hear nothing from god but wait, wait, wait... it's get very frustrating.
It's frustrating when you just don't know what you're going to do when the landlord wants his money on the first, or when the cupboards show nothing but rice, and potatoes and when there's nothing in the fridge save for old milk and there's nothing but bags of frozen chicken in the freezer. You start to think of all the ways you can save on money. We can buy less coffee, I can cut back on Diet Coke. Which we've already done. We can stop getting snacks. Also done. We can get just the basics, chicken, frozen veg, and some starch. Done. We can cancel our phone... nope, internet. shucks. We really don't need a landline but we really do need that internet.
I have to admit it gets very frustrating to hear nothing but WAIT. I don't want to wait. We've been waiting. Wait and have faith. It makes you want to scream, yell, rant and rave. How is it Lord, that other people have jobs? How is it that other people manage just fine? How is it that other people seem to be getting along all right? How do they do it Lord? how is it that someone can leave their job and hop straight into another one? You're not asking them to wait, to have patience. Why? Why are you asking it of us? What then, is wrong with us? Are we such horrible people that the mere thought of employing someone else is better than employing us? Do we need a lesson in humility?
And yet I still have faith. I have anger, I have frustration, I have all of it. But I still have faith. Because God does provide.
Just last month Mark & I had nothing. We had just enough money to either pay for our rent or pay for car insurance but not both. Oh, and we had just run out of food. Joy. We could get food, pay rent, or pay for the car insurance. No insurance means we legally cannot have a car on the road. We have no garage to store the car. And, even if we did, we'd have to register the car as not no the road, and send in our road tax disc (for which we'd get a refund of unused tax). In frustration, I turn to my amazing mother who then sends us some money. I did not ask for it, seek it or even think of asking for help. I know Mummy is broke as well... what with being a teacher in CA and all...
But she sent it all the same. We were able to pay our rent, pay for our insurance and get food. And the food we bought is still keeping us going. So, again, Thank you Mommy! May you ever be praised!
And now a new month has dawned and we will need to pay our rent, the gas I think we won't have to worry about this month but we still have the electricity to pay. Then there's the internet bill, money for the mobile phones, cat food and everything else. And then we both did not get the jobs we were praying for.
And yet, I still have faith. No, I have no idea where we're going to get the nearly £700 we need each month. We don't have £500 coming each month, yet alone 700. And yet the Lord is still saying to me, patience, have faith. He will provide. I don't see it. I can't. I can't see beyond my problems, I can't see beyond today what tomorrow will bring. Who knows, maybe we'll go outside, find a £1 coin in the gutter, put it on a lotto ticket and win several £million in the lottery. I doubt it, very seriously, as we just don't have that kind of luck. But somehow, someway, He will give us what we need to make it through another month.
All it requires is a little bit of that funny thing called Faith. And why do I have it? Because, He has brought us thus far and I can't imagine that He'd bring us all this way just to abandon us when we need Him the most.
I have faith in people. Whether that faith is that they will perform good deeds or bad ones is irrelevant, there is faith in human agency. I have faith that when I wake up in the morning I'll be next to my Gunton. If have faith that if I call my mommy she'll be right there, telling me what I need to do and giving me a helping hand.
I also have faith in God. This faith is a funny thing because God doesn't respond to our faith in the way we think He should. We pray to him for a job. We apply for jobs, we interview for jobs and we get rejected for those jobs. What? Lord, what in the world?! What part of we need a job do You not seem to understand? Faith is all well and good but it doesn't pay the rent, or buy food, or pay for the car insurance, or put gas into the car. It doesn't pay for the cat food either. And let's face it, we'd rather starve ourselves than the cats.
So how about it? How can I sit here and still claim I have faith in the Lord? How is it that I believe that this invisible, Being whom I have never seen, is there? How can I honestly believe that He'll come through for us? Especially since I prayed so hard for us to get these jobs we applied for, that we interviewed for, jobs that we did not get.
And I admit, it's hard sometimes. It's very hard when you've just walked away from an interview thinking that the positive responses you've gotten are a good indication you've gotten the job. It's hard when you either don't get the call saying congratulations, or you get the e-mail saying sorry but we've decided not to hire you at this time, you are free to try again in 6 month's time. It's hard because you don't see how it is that your prayers are being answered. And when you hear nothing from god but wait, wait, wait... it's get very frustrating.
It's frustrating when you just don't know what you're going to do when the landlord wants his money on the first, or when the cupboards show nothing but rice, and potatoes and when there's nothing in the fridge save for old milk and there's nothing but bags of frozen chicken in the freezer. You start to think of all the ways you can save on money. We can buy less coffee, I can cut back on Diet Coke. Which we've already done. We can stop getting snacks. Also done. We can get just the basics, chicken, frozen veg, and some starch. Done. We can cancel our phone... nope, internet. shucks. We really don't need a landline but we really do need that internet.
I have to admit it gets very frustrating to hear nothing but WAIT. I don't want to wait. We've been waiting. Wait and have faith. It makes you want to scream, yell, rant and rave. How is it Lord, that other people have jobs? How is it that other people manage just fine? How is it that other people seem to be getting along all right? How do they do it Lord? how is it that someone can leave their job and hop straight into another one? You're not asking them to wait, to have patience. Why? Why are you asking it of us? What then, is wrong with us? Are we such horrible people that the mere thought of employing someone else is better than employing us? Do we need a lesson in humility?
And yet I still have faith. I have anger, I have frustration, I have all of it. But I still have faith. Because God does provide.
Just last month Mark & I had nothing. We had just enough money to either pay for our rent or pay for car insurance but not both. Oh, and we had just run out of food. Joy. We could get food, pay rent, or pay for the car insurance. No insurance means we legally cannot have a car on the road. We have no garage to store the car. And, even if we did, we'd have to register the car as not no the road, and send in our road tax disc (for which we'd get a refund of unused tax). In frustration, I turn to my amazing mother who then sends us some money. I did not ask for it, seek it or even think of asking for help. I know Mummy is broke as well... what with being a teacher in CA and all...
But she sent it all the same. We were able to pay our rent, pay for our insurance and get food. And the food we bought is still keeping us going. So, again, Thank you Mommy! May you ever be praised!
And now a new month has dawned and we will need to pay our rent, the gas I think we won't have to worry about this month but we still have the electricity to pay. Then there's the internet bill, money for the mobile phones, cat food and everything else. And then we both did not get the jobs we were praying for.
And yet, I still have faith. No, I have no idea where we're going to get the nearly £700 we need each month. We don't have £500 coming each month, yet alone 700. And yet the Lord is still saying to me, patience, have faith. He will provide. I don't see it. I can't. I can't see beyond my problems, I can't see beyond today what tomorrow will bring. Who knows, maybe we'll go outside, find a £1 coin in the gutter, put it on a lotto ticket and win several £million in the lottery. I doubt it, very seriously, as we just don't have that kind of luck. But somehow, someway, He will give us what we need to make it through another month.
All it requires is a little bit of that funny thing called Faith. And why do I have it? Because, He has brought us thus far and I can't imagine that He'd bring us all this way just to abandon us when we need Him the most.
